#what id tell satan

[randomhuman45]

When I see Satan when I die I'm gonna ask them, "Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

[kirishwima]

Bet on me, baby - Part 4

Fandom: Obey me!

Pairing: Mammon x Reader

TW: Slight mention of violence (?), a lot of repressed mutual pining, lol

…..

Time moves slower on summer days.

You can’t prove it, not really, but you can feel the time trickle, like molasses oozing out of tree bark, sticky and sugary like the summer heat sweltering across your forehead. 

The bookshop you worked part-time at was far too old to house a decent AC system. As such, you did what you could with the little fan in the corner of your register, the one that Ari, the owners’ big white cat, was far too preoccupied with trying to throw off of the counter, blocking the cool conducted air from ever reaching you.

You sighed in defeat, picking up one of the dozen piles of books in front of you to begin restocking them.

Your shift neared its end, the gentle light seeping through the big wooden windows facing the street of this hidden bookstore now lower, tinted pink.

The day’s been lazy thus far, only having to deal with the occasional customer coming in, an busy mom asking about the latest Colleen Hoover book, a student or two buying books relating to their courses-you distinctly remember one buying a self-help book, along with a ‘Happy Birthday Mom’ card, which you couldn’t help but chuckle at.

And of course, your regular customer, the one that will come into the shop once a day, without fail, if not more.

He nods towards you from the corner he’s sat in, a pile of books bigger than the one you’re carrying in your arms surrounding his frame as his green eyes are glued to the pages of the one book he’s got propped open on his lap, blonde hair obscuring your view rom the expression he’s currently sporting.

"Hey, we’re closing soon", you remind him as you start shelving the books in your arms, "If you’re gonna buy something, do so within the next 10 minutes or I’m not ringing you up."

Your words made him pause his reading, shifting his attention towards you.

"Now, is that how you treat loyal customers like me, Y/N?" He grinned, carefully shutting the book in his arms-you noticed how he placed a bookmark in it, one he pulled out of his pocket. You can’t help but wonder how many more he might have in store.

You laugh, shaking your head at him affectionately.

Satan’s a loyal customer, sure, but he’s also a dear friend, one you always bonded over literature with.

He follows you to the register as you head back, the heap of books in his arms so tall you can’t even see his face as he sets them down for you to start ringing them up.

"So, I met your brother yesterday", you start.

Satan huffs a laugh. "Judging by that sour look on your face, I take it it wasn’t Beel or Belphie. It can’t be Lucifer either, since you wouldn’t have been so casual about it, and  nor Asmo’s or Levi are in town for the week so…Mammon?"

"Excellent deduction, Sherlock" you huffed, "as if you didn’t already know he’s my project partner. I swear, he’s just-he’s so-ugh!"

You rant to Satan about yesterday’s horrendous meeting with his brother, appreciating his silence as you vent and he nods along, empathetically.

"Yup. That's Mammon. A pedantic idiot with zero emotional intelligence-or any intelligence really, with his heart set on money, sex and pranking Lucifer”, he laughs, 'Still...he's not that bad. He can definitely give off a bad first impression, and he's foul mouthed and loud, but..he has a good heart. He doesn't show it but he cares, a lot more than he lets on."

He peers back up at you, his previous soft small smile lost from his lips. "Tell him I said any of that and I WILL send you to an early grave."

You roll your eyes, already used to Satan’s antics by now. 

"Fine, fine! I won’t breath a word. And I guess I’ll give your rude brother another chance, for the sake of our grades at least." 

You pick up the last of his books, bring the scanner over to it as it beeps.

"So…wanna know your total? I think you just broke last months’ record"

Satan grins. Pulls out a black Amex card out of his mystery-content-pocket.

"Hit me with your best shot." 

You scoff.

…..

The chime bells beside the store’s door jingle as a pair of footsteps starts making its way towards you, where you’d been dusting off some of the shelves in the forgotten corners of the bookshop.

You’d been so caught up in cleaning and chatting with Satan, who’d offered to keep you company until you finish up, that you’d forgotten to lock the front door.

"I’m sorry, the store’s actually closed right-"

You turn to face the man that just came in, trying your best to not let your expression sour. "Oh", you utter, "hi."

Mammon’s stood there, a sheepish smile on his face, an arm awkwardly scratching at the nape of his neck.

"Yeah, hi."

Satan doesn’t miss the tilt of your lips at the sight of his brother, eyeing the two of you with an odd look.

"Nice of you to show up on time", Satan greets with a nod, his expression back to that of his normal chaotic mischief. 

"Yeah" Mammon starts, walking past Satan to stand across of you, "didn’t wanna get the shit slapped out of me again."

Satan shrugged. "You left me no choice", he said, "You were acting stupid."

Mammon turns to him, lips snarled.

"So ya’ had to slap me?! My face was red all day! All. Day! Y/N can vouch for me-wasn't it red when you met me?!" 

You’d already started making your way towards the register-maybe if you physically distanced yourself from this conversation the two of them might just…forget you were there? You sighed, not wanting any part in this brothers quarrel-yet got dragged along into it regardless. Something inside you told you that this wouldn't be a one time occurence either, if your previous experiences with Beelzebub and Belphegor were anything to go by. 

"Well…yeah, it was red when we met" you hesitantly agreed.

Satan rolled his eyes. "Well, was I in the wrong? He would've stood you up had I not knocked some sense into him. It's not like he's some damsel in distress. He can take it" he shrugs. 

You frown at that. You know Satan well, and are well aware that he can get...explosive. He's been nothing but kind to you, but you've seen people draw the short end of the stick with him, and it was never pleasant. Still, he'd mellowed out significantly since befriending you, seemingly taking your advice to heart. 

"Satan, we talked about this, Many times actually. No matter what, violence is never the answer. Especially with your own family."

You steal a glance towards Mammon who's staring back at you wide eyed. You quickly put two and two together, but halt your thoughts before you begin to sympathise with the man that did, evidently, nearly stand you up.

"Thank you for worrying about me and not letting Mammon ditch our appoitntment but...I think you should apologise to your brother for slapping him. Being family doesn't excuse violence. Nothing does. You know that."

You look to Satan expectantly, a silent conversation running between you two that Mammon isn't privy to as he stands dumbfounded in the middle. 

Whatever it was, it seems you’d won your silent argument as Satan sighs, turns to Mammon with his fists clenched.

"Fine. Sorry I hit you Mammon. It was wrong of me. Though you were wrong too for being an asshole."

That's...something, you guess. More than Satan would ever admit by himself, at least. You smile at him, proud of how far your friend has come-you still remember the day you’d first met Satan, how rigid his posture was, ready to fight anything and anyone in his way.

"Mammon, what do you say?" You turn to him, already far too used to being a mediator in this meddlesome family.

Mammon sighed. 

"Thanks for apologising, I guess. And….I guess I was also an ass for planning to ditch. ‘M sorry too, I guess"

Figuring that’s as good as you’re gonna get between the two stubborn men, you clap your hands, shifting both their gazes towards you.

"Great! With that settled, I’ll be heading to the back to store my work clothes-Mammon, if you can give me 5 minutes, I’ll be ready and we can head out."

You smile at him and something in his gut twists, an odd, profound feeling and yet…he doesn’t mind it. Not really. 

He nods, just as you turn to Satan.

"Need any help carrying all of that?" You ask, nodding your head to the paperbag stacks he’d picked up, barely containing them all in his embrace.

"I’ve handled worse" he says, "I’ll manage."

With that Satan walks towards you, bags in tow, as he leans close and whispers something Mammon can’t hear from his spot a few feet away, tucked between the rows of bookshelves.

What he does hear, however, is the sound of your laughter, loud and wondrous, his mind racing to catch up with the way your face lights up as Satan shifts away from you, a small foreign smile on his brothers face.

Satan doesn’t turn to Mammon, merely leaves-though he does heed a warning before letting the store’s door fall shut behind him with a jingle.

"Hurt them and I’ll make your life hell, brother."

Mammon gulps.

He had no idea you’d gotten so close with his brother. Had no idea Satan could smile like that, that you could…

Never mind. That’s not a train of thought he wants to follow. Not now, at least. 

You remind him you’ll be ‘back in a sec’ as you vanish somewhere behind the register counter, leaving Mammon alone to look to the dust particles swirling where the sun filters through into the shop.

You make quick work of removing your work apron and the t-shirt with a woven label of your name on it, changing swiftly into your own casual clothes, grabbing your backpack and heading out of the store, locking each door behind you as you usher Mammon outside and double-check you’ve properly locked the front door.

Mammon’s silent as you do so, only the warmth of his presence on your back reminding you he’s still here, comforting in a sense you don’t dare indulge in.

You turn to him, tilt your head as you catch an odd gleam in his eye-the moment you notice it it’s gone, his face schooled into a forced scowl.

"Well…what do you say we head to that coffee shop I told you about? It’s only two blocks from here, and usually quiet enough we can work undisturbed."

He shrugs and you take that as an approval. Or as a ‘whatever, ugh, let’s get this over with’. You can never be too sure when it comes to Mammon, apparently.

With a nod you lead the way, his frame lagging a few steps behind you.

"Hey…thank you for coming on time today. I do appreciate it" you speak up after a long moment of pregnant silence, the awkwardness stifling your lungs.

Mammon sighs.

"Yeah, no problem. I guess…you were kinda right, yesterday. We both gotta get this project over with, and I don’ wanna fail this class again."

That…catches you off guard.

"You what?!"

Mammon halts, turns his face away from you-not quick enough to hide the deeper shade covering his cheeks and ears.

"It’s a stupid class! With a stupidly annoying professor! He gave out a group project last year too, and the guys I had to work with were-" he sighs, runs a hand over his face. "Nevermind. I just didn’t do well on the project, okay. I’m sure it’ll be fine this year."

You ponder over his words for a while as you continue to walk, a small grin slowly forming on your lips.

Mammon pouts at the sight.

"What? What are ‘ya grinnin’ at?!"

You shrug. 

"Nothing, nothing. I just don’t think you need to worry this year. I don’t know what happened with your previous group, but so long as you’re paired up with me, we’re gonna work our asses off to get the best freaking results we can."

You turn to him triumphantly, and something about it-it makes Mammon smile. Not that pompous grin, or his mischievous look from before, something soft and genuine, and paired with the fading sunlight atop the city, the blinking lights of closing stores behind him, the faint glow of the street lights-

Something about it makes your heart skip a beat.

In this light, with such a smile, he’s…beautiful.

"Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. We got this" he says.

You shake your head, hasten your pace.

"Let’s get going. The sooner we get to working on this thing, the better."

You’ll be damned if you let these thoughts catch up with you.

*****

Y/N, the champion of the ‘YOU CAN’T CATCH ME GAY THOUGHTS’ race :)

-masterlist-

[celestial-letters]

and the crowd went mild 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 also no chara dividers im lazy rn

these r so short id add more but im rushing rn sorry lmfao 😭😭😭

intended lowercase!

misc. obm hcs

LUCIFER

wakes up at the ass crack of dawn every single morning.

wears those old man pjs. with the long hat and fuzzy slippers and gown. you know the one.

most bitter coffee you've ever had in your life how he can drink it is astonishing.

his bed, his mattress, his pillows are all as hard as rock how does this man SLEEP.

sleeps like hes the corpse at the funeral hes that one image

MAMMON

will pull you into a headlock and call it a hug.

LEVIATHAN

guy who had mountain dew and cheeto dust in his veins instead of blood. guy who marinates in his room for two months straight. guy who- (i am immediately shot dead).

did a collab with the anti-lucifer league to create a 100k words dialuci fic to piss off lucifer (dont worry about him he got paid in anime and tsl merch).

TRULY believes he is the #1 tsl fan. and also #1 ruri fan.

wimp who VOLUNTARILY makes you cosplays if you are a cosplayer or even if you aren't. it will happen.

vtuber fan. he was like "hey i wanna be a streamer but i dont wanna show my face but i also want to be an anime boy! wait-" and now hes a vtuber.

has accidentally referred to all of his brothers as "chat" at least once. hes never recovering from that btw.

SATAN

cannot stop annotating books he reads for the life of him.

all of his books are just filled to the brim with sticky notes because all he does is annotate.

once he has a crush he will start imagining him and them in the same scenarios as the characters in romance novels he read. (loser alert!!)

sneaking a new cat into hol like once a week (he never succeeds btw).

ASMODEUS

oh boy his room REEKS of perfume and body spray.

"i sprayed my new perfume in every nook and cranny! smells so floral and elegant, don't you think?" (it smells like a bath and body works threw up.)

surprisingly plays the trumpet and BOY is he loud. bro is absolutely blasting those notes.

worst driver ever btw.

BEELZEBUB

freckles all over!! like a lot. *im not beating the insane allegations*

ate like 27 family size dorito bags, 30 dollars worth of taco bell, and four sprites in one sitting and he still hasnt recovered.

sleeps. like a lot. not as much as belphie but enough to be considered an eepy guy.

BELPHEGOR

will randomly grab every blanket and pillow he can get his hands on and make a nest in the common room if he's up to it. and then have everyone make a dog pile in it just so they can hang out and be silly.

will NOT clean it up afterwards. lucifer will tell him to and his only response will be "im tired..."

freckles like beel too i think theyre silly.

9829364 cow plushies. (theyre all from lucifer)

SOLOMON

will randomly gaslight people for no reason

"hey did you do the homework"

homework? what homework? there was homework? my, what even is homework? never heard of that.

"hey, i heard of this animal from the human world called a giraffe! can i see a picture?"

what? what's a giraffe? oh, those!! yeah, they're just myths. they're not real. purely fiction!!

yk that one post about tumblr funnyman solomon. he is a tumblr funnyman to me. he confidently posts his exploded spaghetti and gets 10k notes i think.

SIMEON

has a book club with satan and solomon. :)

probably writes oneshots of the brothers on tumblr idfk man (sorry to the simeon fans i write like nothing on this guy bro).

LUKE

bodily six ("but didnt the devs say hes ten?" shut up. /j)

along with that, also shorter than in canon. (since hes. yk. a first grader. that BOY is not five foot hes one sauce packet long dude.)

favorite store in the human world is walmart. i like to think his human world outfit is all exclusively from walmart bc thats funny i think.

DIAVOLO

hands of STEEL. he tries to grab your wrist and he nearly crushes it by accident.

ice cream!! he loves it :) his favorite is strawberry btw.

also this boy is NOT a himbo hes a smart man.

needs like a hug and some sleep and also a friend this boy works too much!!

BARBATOS

short. like really short. especially according to devildom standards since most demons are super tall.

"but isn't he six feet?" not in my heart.

somehow always making tea for some reason?? if he's not making tea then he's making pastries.

my boy does not SLEEP. hasn't slept since the sun has been birthed and doesn't plan on ever doing it.

[nogenderbee]

May I request The Brothers getting patted on the head and called "my best boy" by their s/o?

Of course! Sorry if it's a bit short but I didn't had that great idea for it... but I still hope you'll enjoy this one <3

Also I totally wasn't just admiring how big of a cutie Beel is in his part-

Reader call brothers their best boy

TagList: @indi-has-fallen @miya-akane @vodka-glrl

⊱ I said it once and I WILL repeat it... LUCIFER HAS BIG ASS EGO, DON'T BOOST IT EVEN MORE

⊱ alright so after we peaceful agreed that it's boosting his ego, let's go with everything else...

⊱ when you pat him on head, he just looked at you with confused look

"What's wrong, MC?"

"Just patting my best boy~"

⊱ and boom, he's blushing which is followed by a smug grin

⊱ he'll literally tell all his brothers about it whenever he gets a chance to do so

⊱ of course he doesn't just randomly comes up to them and says it but whenever they're being troublesome to him or whenever someone Mammon claims to be your best

⊱ he's not saying it in mean way tho, he's saying that to make them behave and it surprisingly works

"If you'd behave yourself, you'd have chance of YN calling you their second best boy. Sure, prove me they're gonna call you their best boy instead."

⊱ Mammon is already claiming to be your first so you thought he'll be happy to hear it, and while that's true, it's also not all

⊱ but first some petting him on head, he literally becomes all blushing when you do it

"H-Hey! Whatcha think ya doing?! I didn't told you to stop!"

⊱ of course he'll pretend like he doesn't like it but will secretly enjoy it, and once you call him your best boy, he can't help but grin

⊱ also unlike his older brother, he will point it out every single time that you called HIM your best boy, no one else!

⊱ also, he's avatar of greed, don't be surprised if he'd want to hear you call him that over and over all the time

⊱ but id you think he'll ask you for that personally, then you're dead wrong, he'll probably act like he forgot or do some other obvious scheme so you'd say it again

"Shaddup! It's not like you're their best boy! They prefer THE Great Mammon! It shoulda been obvious for ya already!"

⊱ first thing Levi does when you say it or just pet him is pinch himself, but then he realizes it's not a dream and now his cheek hurt...

⊱ but again, let's start from beginning, he'll literally blush like crazy when you put your hand on hand over his head

"Wh-Wh-WHAAAAAT?!! NO WAY MC JUST DID THAT! IT MUST BE A DREM, RIGHT?! AUĆ!! Ow... wait... IT'S NOT A DREAM?!!!!"

⊱ call him you best boy and you can officially say that Levi.exe stopped working

⊱ after he's back to normal, he still can't believe that it just happened

��� he'd love to point out to his brothers that you called him your best boy but he becomes stuttering and blushing mess whenever he even thinks of it

⊱ but there's one exception... fight between him and his brothers... then there's a chance he'll point it out even if he won't notice his words at first

⊱ also, he definitely rambles about it all to his snake

"Aaaaah... I still can't believe they said I'm their best boy... They had so many other demons to choose from!! They're truly the only one...!"

⊱ okey but listen here... Satan LOVES headpats! I mean he loves cats and you pet them, and he has a bit of cat personality himself so I'd say he enjoys it

⊱ so of course you get a smile yet cute and warm smile from him when you just put your hand on his head

"Ah, well this is nice... don't stop, let's stay like that for a little bit longer..."

⊱ and then, when you call your best boy, his face turns slightly red as he tries to keeps his cool

⊱ he's also not ashamed to point it out to his brothers but mostly, he'll point it out to the eldest in order to hopefully piss him off a bit spoiler: it doesn't work

⊱ surprisingly he seems a lot more calm than he is usually, he didn't even yelled when his brothers did something he would usually be furious about

⊱ his brothers immidietly asked how the heck did you broke him

"Guess who YN called 'their best boy'? I'm not lying, it's the truth, you can ask them yourself!"

⊱ Asmo is well... Asmo... so of course his reaction was predictable

⊱ when you started petting him, at first he complained that you have gonna ruin his hair he worked so hard for

⊱ but if you'll be careful to not ruin his hair while giving him headpats, then ther s no way he'll mind, quite the opposite actually, he may ask for more

"Aww~ well aren't you just the cutest~? Oh no, please go on, sweetie! As long as you'll be careful that is."

⊱ and when you cook him your best boy, it's just boost of ego confidence for him

⊱ he's also the type to not be scared to point out to his brothers that he's your best boy and tease you about it if he gets a chance

⊱ speaking of teasing, he now won't react unless you call him "best boy Asmo" or anything similar to that

"Asmo? I think you're forgetting yourself, darling... I want my FULL title! ... Oh yes, now I'm listening, precious~"

⊱ as we know, Beel is a sweetheart and so, he literally gives you the loveliest smile when you pet him

⊱ like, this boo literally smiles like a cute puppy and if he had a tail, it'd definitely wag now

"Hm? Is there something you need, YN? Oh, do you want to try this yogurt? It should be to your liking!"

⊱ and when you call him your best boy, his smile grows even wider and you can just see how his eyes sparkle

⊱ sure, he mentions it that you called him your best boy to his brothers but he won't make big deal out of it

⊱ he's in a better mood for at very least one whole day, like nothing can and will because I won't let it ruin his mood

⊱ also prepare to have one hella clingy teddybear by your side, I know I say it a lot but he is just a sweet teddybear

"I... am? Ah, thank you. Believe it or not but it really made my day better!"

⊱ Belphie is a snuggly little baby so of course he immidietly smiled as you pat his head, after all what could be better thing to wake up to?

"Morning... or afternoon... not important. You seem rather happy with yourself, c'mon, let's cuddle together."

⊱ he at first might not even notice your words but once he realizes it, there's no way you can be away from him

⊱ if you're cuddling, he'll literally not let you go, no matter how important task you have

⊱ huh? Mammon is running from witches? Sounds like his problem... Satan is furious again? Cuddles are more important...

⊱ he also is the type to point out to all of his brothers that you called him your best boy especially to Lucifer

⊱ he definitely encourages you to call him and Beel tour favorite boys, since he knows it would make his twin extremely happy

"Mhh... They can survive 5 minutes without you don't worry. It's not first time Satan is fruoois anyway..."

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱���═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

[thedevildompolybunch]

18+ Smut Texting with Temptation (Lucifer Solo Play x Poly MC)

Also on: AO3 and Wattpad

Will Lucifer give into temptation when Asmo sends some erotic photos of MC in the group chat? (Poly MC, Masturbation, Sext messages, Alcohol Use, Tipsy, MC Begs in a naughty video)

Both Sexes included, general gender neutral.

It was the middle of the night and Lucifer poured himself another glass of Demonus to go with his paperwork. Even the classical music wasn't enough to ease the tension of the amount of tasks he had to do today. Rubbing the stress from his temples, he attempted to read and sign the next document in front of him. Unfortunately, he had been looking at the pages for so long the words had become a gargled mess. 

Lucifer sighed and took a sip of his drink, it was then that his D.D.D. vibrated from the drawer in his desk. At first, he ignored it, surely it could wait and everyone was home so they could just come to his office if it was an emergency. 

Bzz. Bzz. 

The D.D.D vibrated again.

Bzz. Bzz. 

And again.

Bzz. Bzz. 

And again. 

Not in the mood. 

Opening the drawer, Lucifer picked up the D.D.D to check the ID, which read the brothers .

What now? He thought to himself as he rolled his eyes. 

Opening the chat, he began to catch up:

Asmo: Check this out. Me and MC had a little photo shoot. 

Scrolling down, Lucifer is greeted with sensual photos of MC in lingerie posing on a bed.  He takes a deep breath to retain his composure and continues to scroll through the chat. 

Asmo: The camera really does love them, don't you think?

Mammon: Whoa! You're just gonna send photos of MC like that in the group chat? 

Asmo: Oh come on Mammon! MC said it was fine 

Asmo: Aren't they delightful? Look how cute MC is in this one? 

A photo of MC in an erotic position enters the chat. 

Belphie: I wouldn't describe that as cute. 

Satan: Tastefully Sexy.

Asmo: See Satan gets it. 

Beelzebub: Nice. 

Asmo: That's it Beel? 

Beelzebub: Very nice? 

Asmo: Ugh, come on guys!

Levi: I'm not looking at those! I'm about to get into a PvP match online and I can't let normie things get in the way!! Too distracting! 

Belphie (Vag Reader): Hey, In the 2nd photo you can see a bit of MC's pussy. 

Belphie (Penis Reader): Hey in the 2nd photo you can see how hard MC is.

Belphie:

Asmo: You can? 

Beelzebub: Oh totally.

Asmo (Penis Reader):  They’re such a cutie!!!

Lucifer scrolls up to review the second photo. His eyebrows raise, so you can . Biting his lip and swallowing hard he takes another sip of Demonus as he continues to read.

Mammon:🥵

Mammon:  I'm leaving the chat. 

Asmo: You don't have to tell us

Belphie: Yeah Mammon, just leave

Mammon: Fine! 

Lucifer: Shouldn't you degenerates be doing better things with your time?

Asmo: Oh Lucifer! Finally! What do you think of the photos?

✔️Read

With a sigh, Lucifer rubs his eyes, puts his phone back in the drawer and returns to work. Once again looking at the documents in front of him he begins to file through them again. 

+++++

Lucifer was finding it hard to pay attention. As much as he hated to admit it, those photos teased him and they were all he could think about. He found himself re-reading the same lines on the document over and over again and still, it made no sense. He was distracted, and it was all because of you. Unbuttoning his shirt, he released some of his built up heat. 

Damn it . He thought. 

He had a fantastic grip on ignoring his urges and he intended to do that tonight, as he did most nights, but you tested him. He can't go around indulging himself now can he? But, with the image of you dancing around in his head, maybe he could. 

Twirling his pen in his hand, he began to get lost in thought. He was imagining all of the things he wanted to do to you tonight, and most nights. And oh, how those photos teased; you all sprawled out on the bed for the camera. Ah, How he'd love to "punish" you, for not only taking such photos, but also giving Asmo permission to share them.

How very naughty of you. 

Lucifer found himself at the bottom of his bottle, horny and tipsy. Picking his phone up he opened an app that required a passcode and began to scroll through the different albums until he got to yours. 

By the way Lucifer usually leaves your lewds on read, you would have never known that he had saved every single one you had sent him. In moments like this, where his inhibitions are low, and tensions are high, there's no greater increase to his pride than seeing the abundance of photos and videos you've taken specially for him.

Lucifer begins to find it nearly impossible to resist temptation as he scrolls through them. The heat in his pants begins to rise. 

Sitting back in his chair, he undoes his pants to release some agitation. Oh how divine you look in every single shot. It’s so tantalizing. 

Rubbing himself through the fabric of his pants, he continues to scroll, stopping when he comes across a video. The sweet sounds of your moans pervade the room. It’s like a symphony to him. Your labored breaths as you play with yourself, the way you involuntarily moan his name as you get closer to climax. 

You are just so tempting. And didn’t he teach you not to tempt a demon? 

Releasing himself from his pants, Lucifer leans his head back, closes his eyes and fantasizes about images of you. His body shivers at the feeling of his own touch and with a sigh of relief his ache begins to subside. 

He can’t remember the last time he has done this, but he was well due for some stress relief. Speeding up the pace slightly, he begins to become flustered, his hair falling in front of his face as he sweats.

“Oh, Oh, Oh, please Lucifer, I want you so fucking bad. Pleeease!” 

Gritting his teeth and growling, Lucifer listens to your begs on repeat. Sing to him your sweet song.  

He indulges his thoughts of you. Oh what he wouldn’t do to have you over his desk right now, pleading for him to let you cum, instead of the other way around. 

He starts to play around with his tempo, speeding up and slowing down as he gets to the edge. Why was he torturing himself like this? 

Fuck, he can't take it anymore. 

Finding his correct momentum, Lucifer lets loose, the classical piece playing in the background guiding him to crescendo. The thoughts of you spinning around in his head like a blizzard.

His growls begin to fill the air, as he clenches his teeth harder, bracing himself for release. He needed to cum.  

And just like that, Lucifer allows himself to; staining the paper in front of him, and saturating his hand. He sits back for a moment, allotting his mind and body to relish in the peace he so rarely gets. 

After a few deep breaths, he cleans himself up, and returns back to reality. Adjusting himself back at his desk, he notices the few spots of his document. 

Shit.

Maybe there’s a reason he doesn’t do this often. 

[devildomditzy]

Hey 🥰🥰 congrats on the milestone sweetie!! 💕

May I request Mammon + 💐🤗 + “Do you remember when we first met?”

I thought ab making it sfw, something romantic. I think you'll enjoy it. Everything for our hubby hah 💕💕 he's so wholesome! Tbh can't wait to see what you'll come up with! Have a nice day! ❤️

aaaahh hi! thank you 🥺 you’re such a good artist everytime i see you in my feed i’m like, what are you doing here? im just a little guy.

like a little rat chef, i will cook something up for you!

(This got way too long I’m sorry LMAO, I have feelings for him)

Also, this one is a liiillll suggestive

——————————————————————————-

He’s been really antsy since you fell ass first onto Satan.

He’s been really fidgety since the whole hellfire newt syrup incident.

He’s been really shy since Solomon brought you back to the Devildom for undisclosed reasons.

He’s been really docile since your return.

And for the LIFE of you, you can’t figure out why.

You tried interrogating the others, hoping to gather any information as to why Mammon was being… well… less of a dick to you in general.

You always had this playful back and forth with the second born that you had come to love. But, with his usual bite gone, you began to worry something was just wrong.

“Hun, you always make him all fidgety. And sweaty. It’s really gross”, Asmo says, scrunching up his face in disgust.

You huff, rolling over on his bed to face him. “I’m aware. But this is worse than usual. It’s like he’s scared of me all of a sudden. Like he’s avoiding me.”

“We’ll, Id say he’d be an idiot to ignore the likes of you, but he’s also, quite frankly, always an idiot.”

“Azzy”, you deadpan, sending him a pointed look. He throws his hands up in defeat.

“Okay, okay! I get it. You see something in my poor, stupid older brother. And while I can’t fathom what that is, I know he sees something in you too. We all do, but he definitely wants to fuck you.”

“Asmo! Not helping!”

The avatar of lust continues staring at his nails, fussing with a bottle of polish as he fills in any visible gaps.

“Hmm… have you tried being direct? Sometimes you have to be direct with these men. Ya know, take what you want?”, he glances in your direction, licking his lips.

“I’m just trying to figure out why he’s ignoring me! I’m not trying to get into his pants.”

“A shame, really.”

“Asmo!”

“Here’s an idea! Let’s spy on him!”, he sings, eyes blowing wide with excitement.

“What? No! No, I can’t do that. That’s like, an invasion of privacy!”

“Oh, and you think he hasn’t done the same to you?”

Your face falls a bit as you question him, “…has he?”

Asmo lays a tentative hand on top of your. “Sweetie, we all have.”

“Huh. Like together or?”

“Not important!”, he smiles, “What is important is that we get this show on the road so we can get intel.”

The sickening grin on his face does nothing to settle your nerves.

That’s how you find yourself here, comically shoved up against Asmo as you shared a bench in town square, peering out at the subject of your affection from behind a copy of the latest edition of the RAD newspaper.

“There is absolutely no way he won’t spot us”, you grumble to the strawberry blonde.

“He will if you don’t be quiet! Now watch!”

“What is he doing?”

“It looks like he’s buying something from that stand. ~Oh, could it be?”

You don’t like the glint in Asmo’s voice.

“Could what be?”

“It looks like he did listen to my advice”, he smooths. You can hear the smirk in his voice.

“What advice? Asmo what’s going on? What aren’t you telling me!”, you try to sound urgent, but you have a feeling he won’t tell you either way.

“No need to worry love”, he chirps, “Looks like my dear older brother will be back in your good graces soon enough”. He grabs your wrist, dragging you back towards the house with a force you know you cannot break free from.

“H-Hey!”

“Just trust me on this one hun!”

As night begins to fall, you sit alone in your dorm room nervously biting your thumbnail. You and Asmo’s rendezvous did nothing to quell you worry, and on top of that the fifth eldest was being cryptic as hell since you got back to the house.

A knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts. “Asmo, I already told you if you’re not going to tell me what he’s doing, leave me alo-”

The words die in your throat as you rip open the door to be met with the piercing eyes of the second born.

“M-Mammon…hey uh, what are you doing-”

Once more you go quiet, eyes flitting down to where he held a large bouquet of yellow roses.

As you return your gaze to his face, you find him beet red, and almost…shaking?

“I uh- I-I, I got these flowers and I just thought you’d want them. N-No reason! I-In fact, they weren’t for you! They were for u-uhhh…little d no. 2! Yeah! But since I can’t find him, you can have ‘em.”

You lean against the door frame, crossing your arms across your chest, smiling up at him.

“Uh huh, little d no. 2, huh? What made you want to buy him a dozen roses?”

“What? Can’t a proud papa bring his son some flowers?”

“Oh, so now you admit he’s your son?”

“I-I didn’t. I mean- Ugh! Here! Just take ‘em!”, he exclaims shoving them into your hands, pushing past you into your room. You swear you hear him mumble “pain in my ass”, to himself. You can’t stop the grin that spreads on your face.

You shut the door, making sure to lock it. Something tells you this isn’t going to be a normal conversation, and the last thing you need is Levi bursting in asking you if you want to watch the latest episode of “Help! My Mystical Girlfriend Turned Into A Cat and Now I Want to Be One Too!”

He sits on the edge of your bed, hands nervously gripping his knees for dear life. His gaze is fixed on a spot on your floor, and you can’t help but tease him.

“My floor that interesting, huh?”

He snaps out of his stupor, turning to look at you. You swear you see him gulp.

“So, what’s up with you? Ever since I came back, I feel like you’ve been distant. I missed you Mams, and now I’m here and you’re avoiding me?”

It takes him a beat, but he squeaks out a small “sorry.”

You hum, a small noise of recognition before scooting a little closer to him on the bed. He visibly tenses.

“Mamm-”

“DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST MET?”, he nervously lets out, cutting you off. He still won’t make eye contact.

“Of course I do. How could I forget!”, you giggle. “It’s the first time someone threatened to eat me if I didn’t give them all my ‘mortal possessions’”.

He seems to loosen up a bit at the joke, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I was kinda a dick back then.”

“Oh? Only back then?”

“Watch it!”

You suppress your laughter as he continues.

“At first, I only saw ya as a pain in my ass. AND ya still are. B-But then I got to know ya and we started doin’ everythin’ together and… I dunno”, he trails off.

“You don’t know…what?”, you question.

He runs a hand over the half of his face not cover by his glasses. His eyes close as he takes a deep breath.

He turns his position to better face you, eyes now looking directly into yours.

“I guess…I dunno when you became so important to me.”

“Oh.”

You’re both quiet for a moment.

“Asmo told me I should tell ya, but I’m no good at this stuff,” he gives a small forced chuckle. “And I probably wouldn’t have realized, but yer leavin’ back to the human realm…I think you took a part of me with ya.”

“Oh.”

“An essentially I guess I’m tryin to say…dammit..I’m tryin to say… GIVE IT BACK, OKAY?!”

Your eyes widen in surprise at his sudden raise in voice. “And how do I go about doing that, Mammon?”

He seems to pick up a bit of his usually bravado, finally getting out with it. “Well, obviously if ya take something from the Avatar of Greed, ya gotta pay it back, with interest.”

You smirk, leaning into his personal space, bringing your face closer to his, eyes glancing down to his lips.

“Oh yeah? Can I sign up for your payment plan?”, you mumble, trying to express your need with your movements.

He almost shoots backwards before catching himself, composing his nerves and moving his eyes to your own lips. “I dunno, ya could be payin’ it back yer whole life. Might still not be off the hook after that.”

“Mmm, I better get started then”, you whisper, leaning in to close the gap between the two of you.

He tastes sweeter than you ever imagined, lips slowly molding to your own as you feel goosebumps beginning to form. One of his hands wraps around you, tentatively holding you closer to him, not letting you go, never letting you go.

You lean back after a beat to get some much needed air in your lungs. He shakily breathes out, eyes closed like he still can’t believe what just happened.

You smirk at him as you reach a hand up to his cheek, thumb running gently back and forth.

“Will this destroy my credit, golden boy?”

He opens his eyes, gaze much more intense now as he looks toward you, something unreadable in his eyes.

“No. But… we might just destroy this bed frame”, he grins wolfishly as he pulls you down.

Huh. What do you know? Asmo was right about something.

[originalcharactersexyman]

Hiya! Howdy! Id love to toss my goofy silly mailman tf2 oc in the ring if there were slots left! His names Brodie :> Heres his toyhouse

Meet YOUR 10th Class Merc. The Courier. His name is Brodie 

From New York! Go Yankees!

Around 32-34

6"1

Lets take alook into the past: For a lot of his life he has committed ,,, so much fraud. So much. All of it. Mail fraud tax fraud voter fraud healthcare fraud identity fraud. Even credit card fraud when credit cards came out in 1966.  Frauding it up ever since he was a kid delivering newspapers and snooping in neighbor's mail. 

Eventually his fraudulent lifestyle catches up to him and lands him in prison when he suddenly became the inheritor of a minuscule fraction of Australium. And a certain group of individuals did not take too kindly to some rando getting his hands on the  insanely precious resource.  In order for the Australium to be ‘misplaced’, Brodie had to die. And die he did. Not long after being incarcerated, he was hanged for his many, many crimes. A bit of overkill, really, but it was apparently the only way. Plus a lot of the guards and inmates kept finding themselves in varying degrees of debt so two birds one stone. Miss Pauling herself attends the hanging to make sure Brodie does die and sure enough he is pronounced dead. As dead as it gets. 

Well. Mostly.

As his soul prepares for judgment in hell,  Brodie decides “I am absolutely not ready to be dead yet.” Soo he convinces Satan “hey you guys got the wrong guy. I’m blah blah blah, here’s my ID and credentials n whatnot. Here’s who you’re actually looking for” (a lie obviously) but Satan’s like “Oh shit. Um wow- this, like, never happens. Lemme…fix that real quick.” (This is intentionally left vague and about how much hell tell ya about it with changing details each time)

Back in his body, Brodie sits up, completely nakey, save for the body blanket, and startles Miss Pauling who instinctively has a gun to his face. Quickly thinking, Brodie strikes a deal; “Hey hey! Don't Shoot. Uh, listen.  Technically, I was pronounced dead.  Obviously you can keep whatever I was supposed to inherit, I won't even give it another thought but just lemme go - please?”  Sure enough, Miss P agrees, except now Brodie has to…start over again.  Which isn’t a big *deal*, but it’ll take him a minute to get back on his feet since his last identity is supposed to be cold turkey. 

Though, this gives Miss P an idea.  “Hey, do you want a job?”

So he’s back, babyyy. Brodie is a new man (who legally doesn't exist) and is recruited by Mann Co to be the teams smuggler mailman and a merc when violence is needed!!  Someones gotta deliver the mercs all their niche needs and all that, ya know? Someone who ain't afraid to get their hands dirty or have fingerprints or the same teeth they did before or leave any paper trail!  Someone who isn't afraid to break into the next city over's local zoo and get some baboon uteri and hearts for medic, or do a 24 hr trip to Australia for Saxton hale pain tonic for sniper (so they avoid import fees), wine for spy, copious amounts of Tom Jones merch for scout, crates upon very weighty crates of ammo for Heavy, etc etc. Even just snacks from each mercs country (that Courier def sneaks bites from but dont tell anyone shhhh). Or just the pizza the mercs ordered in town.

Need something delivered? Brodie is your Courier! (He has to as his contract states, lest he break it and is 'super killed'.  No its not explained what that means but Brodie don't intend to find out.)

--

He's a bit of a goofy guy.  Quick witted when it comes to fraud but would ask Alexa what 4 x 12 is. His undying passion is committing petty crimes and scams and changing people's legal last names to something like "Scrotum". He's very *very* nosy and will read the merc's mail before he even gets it to them. He's got gossip to share. He loves snacks and has an awful diet consisting of gas station foods. Caffeinated soda and donuts are go-to's, especially on the road. His fav mode of transportation is on his motorcycle.

WOOF thats a long one lol Thank you sm for ur consideration !

WELCOME ABOARD!

Seats Taken: 22/24 (TWO LEFT)

[coffincestuous]

every now and then a posts pops up in the tcoaal tags talking about how much they HATE the game and how they don’t see the appeal and everyone who likes it is a digusting, irredeemable person

(here, we can all roll our eyes and block them together)

so, what makes this game so likeable?

well, personally, everything. everything makes it likeable. but that’s not really an answer to those who are determined to Not Like It

mild spoilers ahead!

first, the art!

[id: the main screen art for the game, two scenes, and two sprites of andrew and ashley. the main screen art has andrew and ashley facing each other, holding different kitchen equipment covered in blood. ashley looks happy, while andrew looks apprehensive. behind them is a black coffin with a window, wrapped in chains. the text says “the coffin of andy and leyley” is red.

the first scene depicts them facing a door, with andrew’s hands on the door and ashley’s shoulder. the second scene depicts ashley hugging a reluctant andrew, who is holding the door slightly open. the sprites of andrew and ashley show them smiling. end id.]

the art style is really cute!! it may not be everyone’s Thing, and that’s okay, but i’m a huge fan of the artstyle and the color palette! the designs are recognizable and show us details about the characters that the game doesn’t have to spell out. andrew’s kind of non-haircut, the tag on his sweater, ashley’s clothes, etc. all tell us things about the characters we learn as we progress through the game!!

the colors through the world are muted greys and blacks and off-whites, which clue the player in to the environment really well. the world is dreary!! it’s bleak!! it’s not just the apartment we first meet our characters in, but almost every place we go to as andrew or ashley. there are some splashes of colors, but for the most part, it’s the same dull colors. there’s a reason for that.

[id: the graves’ apartment, featuring the kitchen and living room. end id.]

[id: the graves’ balcony and their neighboring balconies. all of them have furniture and plants and boxes.]

the color palette really sets the tone of the game, and the attitude all of the characters have towards the world, without SAYING “all of the characters have a bleak view of the world.”

second, the plot!

on steam, the description for the game is this:

[id: “Walk-n-talk adventure with light puzzling. Brother and sister practice cannibalism after witnessing a botched satanic ritual.” end id]

from this, we can expect cannibalsm, murder, and possibly demons. probably blood. (definitely blood).

and this:

[id: “Cannibalism and codependency! Caught in an extremely toxic sibling relationship, our awful heroes must survive starvation, as well as each other. How will you escape death and the consequences of your actions?” end id.]

of course, the players and fanbase know there’s more to the game than that.

as far as summaries go, how’s this? “a codependent brother and sister, possibly infected with ‘parasites,’ have been locked in their apartment for months with no food due to an apartment-wide quarantine. while spying on their cultist neighbor, they witness a demon-summoning ritual go wrong, and decide to take advantage of an otherwise hopeless situation. with blood on their hands and no going back, the two are forced to keep covering their tracks as they learn of what’s really going on with the quarantine, and the mysterious world of demons they’ve accidentally uncovered.”

that gives a little more context and a little more incentive to actually play the game. (or at least watch someone play through it. ideally with no commentary. there are several great ones). at the very least, it tells a little more about what to expect from the game going in to it.

as easy as the ‘government organ-harvesting scheme’ is to miss, (and, believe me, i Did miss it the first time i played through) it’s still there, and is one of the biggest motivations for our characters to keep doing what they’re doing. they want to eat, they want out of a needless quarantine, they don’t want to get caught out of their apartment, they don’t want to get caught for the murder or the cannibalsm, etc. each step they take is to get themselves as far away from all of that as they can. together.

that’s interesting!! that’s catching!! the plot is what captured my attention initially!! it’s why i was excited to play the game Myself!! it’s why i’m excited for chapter three!! i want to see where they go from here, what challenges they face, and how they overcome it. i wanted to see where the end of chapter one took them!! if the plot is good, it doesn’t have to be well-written to be enjoyable (although, in my opinion, it is well-written). and it is enjoyable.

third and fourth, the characters! their relationship!

while tcoaal has solid visuals, it’s much more story-driven than gameplay driven. there Is gameplay, and there are puzzles, but most of the game is spent reading dialogue.

as both ashley and andrew, the player goes through the dialogue between the two of them, as well as other characters. we meet mrs. and mr. graves, we meet andrew’s ex-girlfriend in a flashback, we meet demons and cultists and corrupted security guards. but, despite it all, the majority of the dialogue is between andrew and ashley.

obviously, as our protagonists, that’s a given. and, of course, it’s intentional. but, a lot of the people outside of the fanbase don’t seem to realize just how much we see of andrew and ashley. we’re with them constantly, as they are constantly with each other. their back-and-forth banter is fun when it’s fun, and serious when it needs to be. the challenges and changes the two of them go through are shown through their dialogue in chapter two, where the choices start to Matter. we see their dynamic change, for better or for worse, and we see their reactions to that change. there isn’t a physical change to show for decision making (with some exceptions), but we see their thoughts and how they speak to each other change. we see how they act around each other before The Incidents and afterwards.

people also seem to miss the ‘codependent’ part of their relationship, and hardly even look past their disgust at the game to wonder why. (fictional incest is hot AND narratively compelling!)

by playing the game, we learn very quickly that ashley was a “problem child.” she was loud, annoying, mean, and disliked by everyone. everyone. her mother was a teenager when she had both ashley and andrew, and shoved ashley on to andrew to pacify and raise her. it was andrew’s job to be her parent, to teach her right and wrong, to spend time with her, to make sure she ate, to make sure she had friends. he’s only two years older than her, but he’s been the only constant in her life. whether or not he was willing to be there for her, (which he is), he was there. keeping him by her side is what matters most to her, no matter who she has to threaten or what she has to do. she relies on him, as she always has, to stop her from going too far. she relies on him to pacify her when she’s upset or angry, because that’s what he’s always done. she expects him to go along with her whims and expects him to clean up after her messes (literally or figuratively) because that’s what he’s always done.

(for some really good ashley analysis, check out this post by ashleyhuh, this post by double--blind, and this post by sunshine-jesse)

andrew, on the other hand, was a very good kid. their mom, in a specific scene, called him an easy child. he’s well-liked by adults and peers, he’s had friends outside of ashley, even his parents like him more than ashley (and they make it obvious by just. Ignoring Ashley). the promotional art calls ashley “very bad” and andrew “doormat extraordinnaire,” but whether or not that’s actually true is up for debate. regardless, we know he cares about ashley, and she’s been the only constant in his life just as much as he has been in hers (…even if that’s mostly ashley’s fault). his whole life has been shaped by the responsibility of keeping ashley happy and behaved, but he does it because he wants to, too. while it may have started as taking care of his baby sister in lieu of their parents, he’s accepted that ashley is his responsibility whether he wants her to be or not. we don’t know where the change from “his responsibility” to “his responsibility” happens, but we see it through his actions and dialogue and even flashbacks that he cares about her. ashley relies on saying she cares and hearing that she’s cared for, while andrew shows that he cares, and he cares for her A Lot.

(as a side analysis, we’re Shown that andrew cares more than we Hear that he cares. with ashley, we’re Told that she cares more than we See that she cares. interesting!)

fifth, the soundtrack!

oh my god. the soundtrack. from the main theme to a specific song in the decay route vision, the soundtrack does a Wonderful job of setting the tone for the game. soundtracks are just as important as every other aspect in games, movies, and tv shows, and the coffin soundtrack is a particular favorite of mine.

(check out the songs here)

the main theme (titled “twisted clowns”) is… well, great!! it sounds good, it sounds Ominous, a little silly, and every time i open the game, i listen to it for a bit before playing. it’s a perfect choice for the first song you hear of the game. it’s perfect for a horror game. i’m no expert on music, and frankly, i don’t know a lot of instruments, but this song has a lot of sinister sections that make it SO good!!

my personal favorite off the soundtrack is “dark bells.” the first time i heard it in game, i lost my mind. it’s SO sinister!! it’s scary!!! the part of the game it shows up in makes me feel like a rabid animal (in a positive way!). it’s also really pretty, and i’ve been listening to it for the past week or so. it hits so very differently hearing it in game. if you know, you know.

the game has little sounds that add to the atmosphere, but the game has absolutely No voices, so the sounds that are added are super noticeable and can add so much more to the game, especially where music is concerned. the composers did an Excellent job with every track, and i’m SUPER excited to hear any new tracks added in the third chapter. the songs fit every scene they’re played during, and guide the player’s reactions pretty well!!

conclusion

no one is forcing people to like the game. if it’s not your thing, you don’t have to make yourself like it. you don’t have to make yourself hate it. those of us who DO like it have our reasons, whether i listed them or not. sometimes things just don’t click with people, and that’s okay! your likes and dislikes are yours, and not everyone has to agree with you. not everyone has to agree with me!! disagreeing with someone does not make you better than them

everyone who likes the game went into it knowing that it was a horror game. horror is supposed to make you uncomfortable. discomfort is a natural, human emotion to feel. whether the murder, cannibalism, corrupt government, demons, theft, or incest made you uncomfortable, you are not morally superior to anyone for feeling that way. you don’t get brownie points for posting about how disgusting the game is, or how boring it is, or how much you hate it. you especially don’t get points for putting your negative opinions in the main tags. have some decency!!

tcoaal isn’t just “the incest game,” even if that is a part of it that i know of and enjoy. if it’s not your cup of tea, you can ignore it!! out of sight, out of mind!! blacklist the tags, block everyone with a coffin icon, you can do whatever you need to do to Not interact w it. most people will respect that!! so, respect us, too!!!!

anyways. every post i see about “haha ew incest” or “bad game” just makes me love the game more. it’s the best game i’ve played in a while!! i’ve enjoyed the coffin of andy and leyley more than omori, more than persona 5 royal, and more than undertale. i really liked all of those games, but the coffin of andy and leyley has been such an enjoyable experience from the start and i’m so happy i gave it a chance

[devilslamb]

I want to know if Dale decided to hire an assistant, besides Ruth, one who was actually on a payroll and would just help him make the dolls, what would their first day of working for him look like? I want to know how that man would welcome someone completely new to his Satan cave.

ouuu, this would be so interesting. hmmm,, id imagine him probably getting ruth to put in ads in the paper, waiting for someone to call the house number. waiting by the phone all day when he hasn't anything to do (and lets be honest, he doesn't do much other than make dolls now that ruth is his accomplice LOL)

i think it'd be pretty uneventful just because i think dale is dutiful, no shenanigans on the job type of guy, especially with such gruesome work.

their first day... slinking into a crowded house and down into the basement isnt at all what they expected when they called in for the ad. the stairs are steep, and the basement is so cluttered yet so.. organized? it's quite odd how the room is so put together yet so clunky with books and blankets and handmade quilts.

he makes his presence known by giving a high pitched "oh!" you know how. he's suddenly behind you with his hands politely crossed in front of him, fidgeting with his fingers. probably scaring the shit out of you. he doesnt really introduce himself. rather, he tells you to sit down at the bench so you can get started

most of the work is in making the dolls, so you'd be sharing the workload with him, if you're quick to learn

dale is a very hands-on teacher. not in that way, either. i dont think he's a man of many words, so trying to explain stuff would be so frustrating for him when he could just show you how to do it

you're seated at his work bench and he's so uncomfortably close behind you, shoulders practically caging you in between him and the bench. you can smell him, he's so close.

hes watching you carefully, raggedy breaths in your ear. it's so uncomfortable and tense for no reason. like something bad is about to happen. but nothing ever does.

all you hear is the occasional footsteps above you, eerie whispering, and his heavy breathing. no music or white noise to avoid any distractions. just him and the devil keeping you company.

he hands you the tools and gives you the name along with it. short little "brush" or "glue" in his sluggish voice. he doesn't say much else.

when you're making a mistake, he grabs your wrist in a sluggish motion but with a firm grip and redirects the tool in your hand. he's extremely picky but spares the patience for you.

though after a couple of hours of things not going right, he twitches, shoulders curled up like a threatened cat. he's huffing and puffing a bit, burning holes in the back of your head with his stare. hes grinding his teeth a bit too.

if you do something right, he gives your shoulder a gentle and reassuring squeeze (though it unnerves you) accompanied by a low, gravelly "mm good". he doesn't spare the praises either, making sure to let you know well you're doing.

once he's a little more confident in you doing each task right, he'd probably pop a record on. maybe one of his own, or maybe one he favors. something old and classic, maybe some alice cooper. just light listening to offer a much-needed buffer from the silence.

before you know it, you're there through some of the night, and it seems time has flown by when doing the devil's work, but he lets you know to come back tomorrow depending on how well you've done.

sorry this is a little boring, but i cant imagine him getting someone to help. hes such an insular person to me that hed rather do it himself to ensure it gets done right, but yk i dont think he'd be too terrible at training someone to help him. he'd probably very much appreciate it.

[dangermousie]

To everyone's joy, Undaddy has found out Nana and YS' living arrangements. And is in Nana's house. And he saw the bullet necklace. And is enjoying terrorizing the fuck out of YS.

Oh my God, and when he smiles that dead smile when YS comes running in, freaked out of his mind - unclean unclean get thee behind me, Satan but also I love that the camera dwells on him for an uncomfortable length of time. It fits the vibe.

"Because of you, that girl could die." Aww, Undaddy, you are all heart, threatening your son's OTP and all to blackmail him into becoming a good automaton assassin. Sweetness and light you are. Go fucking die. (I kinda love how he's almost relieved to find out about Nana because it makes more sense in his psycho world-view that YS would interfere with murder of even the guilty and certainly deaths of innocents out of a 'selfish' reason and not because of right-and-wrong - but Undaddy is so wrong - even if he didn't love Nana, he'd do exactly what he had done).

The way YS has started the campaign of pushing her away so nobody would think he loves her - but like you can not outwit Undaddy emotionally because you care about people and he doesn't. I love it when later Nana stands up to the old psycho MMMMMM

YS found her earring - poor guy, that's all of hers he can allow himself. Honestly, he wants so little, it's heartbreaking he can't have it (when he types in 'bring me coffee' and deletes it before sending it. My heart.)

When Ahjusshi later comments that living with Nana was the first time YS started laughing for real - no wonder he's glommed on, it's his first bit of normalcy. I love this drama for turning him into a "real boy" so gradually - if you think about it he was brought up in a drug den by a psychopath and then sent to a normal college with fake IDs and he couldn't get close to anyone because it might risk everything. This is almost the first proper human interaction he's ever had with a normal well-adjusted human being.

YS doesn't think Nana has figured out he's the City Hunter. Oh my very-very-very dense darling! Ha. Well, actually she was only suspicious until she saw you asleep on her couch (I loved that the common-sense thing to do would be not to say good-bye in person but he simply can't do that) and covered half your face like during the incident and recognized for sure. I love her gasp of acknowledgement. How I love that this drama doesn't drag things.

Oh, it must be killing him to say all those awful things to her about how he just kissed her because she was easy and this is boring blahblahblah and it might have worked to push her away except she figured out the truth so she knows he saved her life twice, once even after she shot him, despite his rescues interfering with his targets etc. Good luck, YS, in convincing her she doesn't matter to you. I love that Nana is no dummy. Once she figures things out, that's it.

(He also kinda spoils his whole bastard image by telling her that while he's moving out she can continue to stay in the house for free. Oh, YS!)

"I can't love. That's my fate." No, YS, it's not fate, it's your psycho Undaddy. Seriously, a targeted grenade, anyone?

Undaddy really is the biggest monster in this story. He ends ep 9 by killing two innocent cops who were only doing their duty to get to his target which makes him no different from the men he wanted revenge on. Worse - they at least had geopolitical peace in mind, he's doing it for vengeance that will bring nobody back.

[an-angel-in-the-garden]

hello! can I get a sort of crossover headcanons? Can I get the obey me brothers reacting to an akira kurusu! mc. They have the same experience with the metaverse and still have arsenal and can probably use arsene in devildom. Id like to see the brothers reacting to weird sexual tension they have with akechi and why their human is so infatuated with another human (akechi) who tried to literally kill them (it's platonic with the brothers and ig a background akeshu but with the mc as the leader of the phantom thieves ig)

This was such an unexpected request but a fun idea. I'm doing headcanons for all the brothers and how they react to learning all of this so hopefully it fulfills your request? Please enjoy. Spoilers for persona 5 and Obey me, set after lesson 16

Lucifer

Out of everyone, is the most understanding about the whole thing though even he has his questions

When you first arrived in the Devildom he already knew that you were a strange human but even he wasn't ready for Arsene to come to your side when you felt threatened

At first he believes this might cause trouble but it won't take long for him to realize how helpful your personas can be

Still expects his brothers to keep you safe but now he's more willing to believe you can handle yourself

That thought is thrown to the side the moment you tell him all about Akechi and what happened him the metaverse

What do you mean he shot you?! What do you mean you miss him!

Will scold you for being so reckless with your own life but won't deny that he feels a sense of pride knowing you rebelled against the corrupt world

He will ask all he can about your team and adventures, he also wants to know about your relationship with Akechi and how it ended

Not the most helpful but certainly someone you can lean on when the pressure becomes too much

Mammon

Is the most concerned about learning everything and he really doesn't plan to keep his mouth shut about it

From the moment he's told to keep watch of you Mammon is freaked out about everything happening in your life

Arsène nearly fights him day one and from then on he decides that you clearly need help surviving in this world

Don't tell him about Akechi right away or he will threaten to keep you locked up in the devildom to avoid anything bad from happening again

Even hearing about what you did as a phantom thief is a lot, sure at first he's all over it, i mean you make so much money from it but then he thinks about just how often you could have died

The more he thinks the worse it gets

Honestly after a few very very long talks about it he's willing to take you on little trips to the human world so you can go to the metaverse together but he's going to be your guard dog

Will never be willing to let Akechi near you after he learns you like him but is pretty cool with the rest of the thieves

All in all not bad but very worried if he's not around you

Leviathan

Honestly thinks its cool, worrying yes, but very cool in some ways funny in others

Everything you tell him sounds like something right from one of his animes and he NEEDS to know more

How did a lame human like you get to do all that awesome stuff, what do you mean you faked your own death? AND plan to fight the government? He wants in but not really

Gives you really good advice when it comes to planning actually, this man is the Grand Admiral after all

Will not help you at all with romance and is in fact very jealous that someone who wants you dead is more important than him but he's not gonna say that

Freaks out just a little (a lot) when he learns about everything you've already done and had to go through but is weirdly supportive

Finds animes that make him think of you so now you both have to watch them as a treat.

Overall is pretty okay with the whole thing and great to go to for planning

Satan

Pretty annoyed at first but thats too be expected getting to know you though he becomes fascinated in the life you've lived

It feels nearly impossible when he first learns the truth but seeing first hand proof really gets him on board

He's going to try and use your persona's for the anti Lucifer club so be ready for that

Hate the very idea of Akechi and will sold you for falling for someone like that, he's also somewhat (way too) worried about the types of people you make friends with

How are you not dead?? A valid question he regularly asks yet never gets a real answer for

Is brutally honest about everything, he pulls no punches and you will know how he feels when it comes to the life you've lives, truly a blessing and curse

Not very helpful but still reliable it's not like he wants you dead or anything so if his advice can keep you around then you have it

Asmodeus

Is the best person to go to about all of this. He wants to hear all the juicy gossip and can give you some advice on getting peoples trust

Tell him all the little details, come to him for help with your confidants Asmodeus is greatest for all things people

Sure most of it is subterfuge but it works out for everyone

He feels genuine sadness for you when he learns about the hardship you and your friends have been through and he really wants you to make up with Akechi

All of the brothers know what it's like to live in a world where people look down on you but Asmo is the most open about it, he understands

Just a good vibe, he's still gonna flirt and joke around but you have his support and backing whenever you need

Playing dress up with the persona's and you, whenever and wherever some of them are just so pretty

does find it a little funny that you just talk around with a bunch of illegal things to sell at some random pawnshop and will never stop mocking you

Beelzebub

Worries a good amount after learning about your life, humans aren't meant to do things like that, what if you get hurt?

He wishes you didn't have to go through such things but he's still going to root you on

Take you out to eat often, if you're doing all that fighting you need to keep your energy up

Will work out with you all the time, keeping you ready for any fight that's bound to pop up in the devildom

Very reassuring in his own way, he gets that life is stressful and you do so much yet get almost nothing return, he wants to change that

Learning about Akechi is a bad time for Beel

He's just sooo worried about you and what happened, really doesn't think it's a good idea to be involved with someone like that

Beel just wants to see you happy and safe, you're practically part of the family and one of his closest friends, if you ever need help you can lean on him

Belphegor 

Gets a really good laugh out it, he's so judgemental about your choices but in a more joking way once you get to know him

He's kind of impressed that you made it this far, after all you fell for his trap yet managed to topple people who have been hiding their crimes for years?

Also wants to use you and your skills against Lucifer and will plan for hours on how to get you to join

Not really interested in your friends but if you start talking about them he listens attentively

Starts to worry when you tell him about the cop and Akechi though he's so down for you just fighting the government more or less

Reminds you to take breaks and no overwork yourself, it's easy to pull yourself too thin between this school and life plus everything with mementos

The moment he learns about what Akechi did he feels a little awful, it's not that different from his own plan and tactics he can't imagine how much it affected you

Honestly these things help him get closer to you, a way for you both to lean on each other and make up for the past

Hello, Hello! It's late I know but thank you to everyone who's waited and been patient with me. It really does mean the world. This fic wasn't fully what I'd been hoping for but I don't mind it. I hope that you like that and thank you so much for requesting it. I have one Bleach request and then my inbox is clear so if you want something feel free to ask. Also! I started physical therapy, I mentioned that I had been in an accident and now I've been getting help for it! I'll be taking care of myself and my family and I hope you all do the same. Stay safe everyone~ Lilly P.S It's my birthday today! I'm now 20 so that's cool

[namelnom]

«Blog Intro»

Hi there random on the internet, or maybe someone that I know that it's seeing my blog because for a strange fucking reason they like me??

I love to curse and as I say in my blog description I'm considered a hypocrite semi-problematic questionable alter and this is my semi-problematic hypocrite questionable blog... You wanna know more about me and the blog? Sure, let's dive into it

About the blog

Probably gonna do a tags masterlist for you to not what to filter tag, the reason? Well let me give you a little list of what kind of content I might post here

Dark humor, I FUCKING LOVE DARK HUMOR

Jokes about my trauma and problems

Mention or talking about serious and/or triggering topics

My opinions, might be problematic or seems as hypocrite

My thoughts, the same thing as above

Discourse posts but not being open to have a discourse chat about it (Only if I said so)

(If I do I'm gonna update this)

I don't filter myself most of the time when doing posts, but I do take accountability if I did wrong and hurt people

I'm 100% open minded so don't assume things about me and I'm conscious I can be wrong, just my actitud reads "I do not give a shit anymore" and that's right, I don't most of the time lol

I'm just a chaotic little persecutor who wants to have fun and has a very strange mind, deal with it or block me, I don't want fucking problems, and if you do tell me shit I'm gonna answer it laughing about it, no one can hate me more than I do LMAO

I fluent in spanish and english so expect some random posts to be in spanish (They're gonna be the minority, I don't like spanish at all but because it's my native language I have to stick with it ugh /neg)

Sometimes I'll post art that I did, drawings and narrative so beware

I might have some NSFW posts, but they're obviously gonna be tagged correspondingly, so please filter your tags when being in this blog, interact at your own responsibility, I do tag, I'm not responsible for you not filter tagging or ignoring the posts

About me

My name's Namelnom but you can call me Namel for short (NEVER EVER CALL ME NAME OK???) or you can give me a nickname. Some friends call me the fucking traumatized gay and tbh that's me fr, I do not mind that kind of names xD

Do not call me human, I'm aware the body's human but I'm not, I'm a non human alter who their identity also falls into the therian and otherkin ID, I'm so far away from being human that I'm a-ok with some dehumanizing jokes

Besides from host I'm also: Problematic alter, multolder, janusian, subsys-admin... And I won't be giving out more details lol

My basic list of pronouns from what I use/like most to the less used is: He/It/They/Xem/Persm/Coffeself/Purpleself/Robotself/Wolfself

But you can use any pronouns that's not feminine, feminine aligned or feminine related... And pink, this includes she/her and neo/xeno pronouns that fall into that category

My queer labels are plenty so...

Gender ID: Transmasc, GNC, Dya Man, Concefaun, Void Gender, Implagender

Orientations: Oriented AroAce, AegoAroAce, Apothiosexual, Cupioromantic, Devoromantic, Fidesqueerplatonic, Panqueerplatonic, Demi-Sensual, Omniaesthetic

Others: Polyqueerplatonic, Ambiamorous, Hyperased, T4T, ND4ND, AroAce4AroAce

Probably gonna make a more in depth post about this, if I do I'm gonna link it here for you to see easily

Because they're here and probably gonna be the only ones to see my blog /hj I'm giving a honor mention to my son and my platonic husband!! I love them so much 💜

My platonic husband: @dpdazai ✨✨✨

My awesome son: @jesuswasacreature ✨✨✨

Also some other misc info about me is:

As I previously said I'm otherkin, therian and otherlink, I have my suspicions about other things but, hey, I don't have the energy to read about them

I'm atheist satanist meaning I follow the satanist philosophy and commandments but I don't believe in satan nor worship him

I'm anti-genderist tho I might do some jokes about gender and that kind of shit lmao

Not in a religious way but I'm animistic (Hope I'm writing it correctly lol) meaning I have the strong and firm believe that everything is alive, have emotions and a soul, yes, objects and inanimate things too

Anarcho queer, deal with it or fuck it, I do not care anymore for activism nor I'm part of the LGBTQIA+ community

I have A LOT of shipping and shipper labels, I'm not gonna say a lot about this in this blog but have that in mind

I have ginofobia, no, I'm not sexis or misoginist, I'm just a traumatized fucker who developed a phobia because of trauma, deal with it or block me

I'm pro-abortion, you don't like that? Cry about it

Boundaries

I'm 100% ok with answering asks of almost all kind, just nothing that's too explicit because I don't want that in my blog, tho I normally can stand that lol

Go ahead and interact all you want, juts have in mind that if you want to have a talk or a debate or something similar around some topic I mentioned in some post or you want me to give out an opinion of something sure you can, just respect that sometimes I won't be entering and having those talks because I simply don't want to

Do not assume we're friends if I haven't tell you we are, I tend to act like I'm friends with everyone when that's not true at all

OTI (Ok to interact)

A-normative people (Neurodivergent, queer, POC, etc.)

People with CDD (I know they're a-normative but still lol)

Open minded people

People who are "cringe" and just have fun

Likes dark humor

Artists and writers

Thin Ice

Neurotypicals (Like, don't having any disorder or neurodivergence)

Straight & cis people

Anime fans, otakus or any kind of people who it's like asian multimedia obsessed (Trauma goes brr)

Women (Trauma goes brr x2)

Darkshippers who don't put TW and censor to access the content

DNI (Do not interact)

Basic DNI (homophobics, transphobics, racist, classist, ableists, etc.)

Pro-life people

TERFS & radqueers (Yeah I'm putting them together because for me they're like equal shit)... Also, any kind of extremists

Fakes mental disorders for x or y reason

Stigmatize disorders

People with a savior complex and/or who feel morally superior

Closed mind people

Darkshippers who romanticize that shit

Fugoshis and fundashis (Any kind of people who fetichies/sexualizes gay/lesbian relationships)

People who think because they're part of a minority they can't discriminate ("I'm trans I can't be homophobic" " I'm POC I can't be racist", etc.)

Anti-shippers, like in general

Anti therian, otherkin and alterhuman

Anti any kind of content that's sen "cringe"

Doesn't take accountability and/or makes up excuses

Userboxes

When I finish the rest I'm gonna add the rest of my userboxes, at least the rest that are important to have here

(I only like using my own made userboxes sorry not sorry ig?)

Probably I'm gonna make a post just to hoard all my userboxes lmao

[cherry-flavoured-thot]

i've got an obey me ask

imagine an mc that's just been plucked for the program being from the complete opposite end of the financial spectrum of our beloved cast of pixelated men.

an mc that grew up/was living paycheck to paycheck, barely able to make ends need and feed themselves. it'd be literally night to day with them. they'd gasp over price tags and shopping totals reading thousands of grimm, still stuck in the mindset of "that'll break the bank." a spreadsheet on their computer of their money spending and gaining (i can't remember the proper terms for that stuff, it's been a hot minute since i learned it all in middle school), a long list of things they think they could never stored somewhere.

sure, it'd be on their student file that that's what their life was back in the human world, but whether anyone knows or not besides them is up to you (id imagine lucifer would probably gloss over it completely in the rush of getting paperwork done so he can get to bed before 5am lol grumpy old man needs sleep). poor thing might break down if anyone knew..

sorry if this seems odd, i just feel that as someone who's right there in the pay-to-pay situation, i'd be in complete shock of being able to actually (and easily) afford things without having to debate whether i really needed it or earned it.

if anything in the text is broke, i blame tumblr desktop version. my phone isn't working the best so i had to move here from mobile ;-;

"You spent how much on....?" Is a question the mc repeats to every brother but with different things. Demonus, designer clothes, figurines, skincare products, food, books, ancient objects, new blankets and pillows etc. But no one really thinks too much of it, despite mc's shock every time.

It's not until Mammon complains one time about how broke he is, and mc turns to him, looking him dead in the face saying. "You could easily survive the week with that much." Then they proceed to write him up a budget with the minimal amount of Grimm in his account.

"...mc how did you do that?"

"Oh I'm a pro, I once lived off of five dollars and spite for a full week." Mammon, is casually bringing this up with Lucifer next time he sees him.

"You didn't mention mc was flat broke before comin' here."

"...that's because I wasn't aware." Lucifer is pulling up mc's student file, and there it is in big bold writing. Lucifer and Mammon both have a lightbulb moment, thinking about different occasions where the topic of money came up and mc was acting strange. "If I were you, I'd minimize mentions of your spending habits around mc."

"...yeah." Mammon feels so guilty. That not only does he stick to mc's budget, he always mentions to them when he's managed to save money rather than spend it. But he'll still be a devil on their shoulder encouraging them to splurge a little on themselves because they deserve it.

Lucifer, Satan and Asmodeus would be using this knowledge to let mc know they are providers. (Mammon would too. He would but his budget skills are bad so he's a sometimes provider!) They will always make sure mc is financially good, so feel free to spend (within reason - Lucifer would argue). (You deserve to be spoilt - Asmodeus, Satan)

Beelzebub and Leviathan, would just buy things for mc instead when the opportunity arises. Beel will always pay when inviting mc out for food, it's his treat. mc was talking about wanting to get a game? well they don't need to get because Levi had it express delivered to the front door. (Mammon would also do this when he has money lmao)

"If you want it just buy it." Belphegor is firmly in the middle ground, because he'll tiredly tell mc those words, when they've been debating aloud to get the thing in question. If they mention it's too expensive and talk themselves out of buying it. He just gets it for them.

[shootingstarrfish]

i'll tell yall about a funny obm dream i had a while ago, all my belphie dreams have been scams so far i want a refund >:v

so i can only assume id just been on an outing with the brothers and it was the end of the day. they were all squished into my itty bitty car to the point where asmo was sitting on my lap while i was driving (it was weird dream logic so he kept alternating between sitting on my lap and sitting on the floor at my feet??) of course lucifer being the insufferable eldest sibling was in the passenger seat beside me, belphie was directly behind me and i believe levi was beside him in the middle? i cant remember what satan mammon and beel were doing lolll they were never particularly relevant in this one but i know they were there

anyway i tell them all we're almost at the train station and ill drop them off there and it should be easy to get home by train, and i hear a chorus of groans behind me so i figure it's not too far out of my way to just to drive them directly home and decide to offer to do so, to which they all cheer except lucifer and...

i hear belphies voice directly behind me suddenly try to get my attention, and i get really excited because belphie is talking to me. i turn around as best as i can to face him "oh whats up belphie?" i ask casually, trying not to seem too excited or anything. im curious though, again it's belphie we're talking about. i have to admit im happy he's talking to me. clearly in this dream au im quietly pining after him so im delighted. he shuffles around a bit, not speaking yet. i think to myself that he looks very cute. i wonder what he's gonna say. is this the development of our dream au relationship? he awkwardly opens his mouth to speak:

"uhh, i think i'd rather walk home honestly..."

my entire world shatters. the one person i wanted to be there suddenly wants to leave? (for some reason ignoring that asmo, who i also love very much, is sitting on my lap) i try not to seem too upset tho and let him leave to walk.

i set up my GPS and play some music, i specifically decide to play anime openings because i know levi will vibe with it. he starts trashing my taste in music

and then i woke up

[ticklygiggles]

Miya&Mia's Tickletober Day 13 - Prank Call

Mammon, Lucifer & Reader

A/N: The more days pass, the more my brain dries up. I apologize because these last drabbles have not been the best x.x

You laughed, throwing a pillow at Mammon's face.

"Hey! It's a good one!" 

"That's probably the stupidest idea you've had this week and you've been saying quite stupid things lately!"

Mammon laughed at your words, his eyes sparkling mischievously. "I'm serious! Even Belphie and Satan will get jealous and they'll be like 'oh how didn't we think about that?!" 

You snorted. There was no way in Hell that the Anti-Lucifer Squad would think that was a good idea. Make a prank call to Lucifer? It really was stupid; Lucifer was no fool to fall for such a ridiculous thing, but... Mammon really seemed excited by the idea. Maybe…

"It sounds risky," you said, tapping your chin in thought before sighing loudly. "Okay, fine. Let's do it."

Before you could even process what was going on, Mammon was pulling his D. D. D out and calling Lucifer. He put it on speaker quickly and Lucifer answered in three rings. 

"What on Earth do you need no-"

"Quickly, tell me where to hide the body- dammit!" He called your name, making you flinch. "Don't fucking play with that arm, it's all bloody!" 

"What the hell are you doing now, Mammon?!"

Mammon tried to hold back a laugh as he gasped loudly, "shit, wrong number!" And he hung up. 

"We're in big trouble," you said, feeling panicky laughter in your throat. "We better leave for a while before he gets us, quickly!"

"So there's no body, huh?"

Both you and Mammon shrieked, jumping when Lucifer's form suddenly materialized in the middle of your room, hands on his hips and a dark aura surrounding him. Oh, it was the end.

"Well, don't worry, there soon will be two, I assure you both."

"B-Big bro! It was- It was just a joke! Did- Did ya really believe I would- agh, no!" He shrieked out your name. "Help meeehehehe! Ahahaha, Luhuhucifer n-nohohoho!" 

Well, you really didn't expect that. Lucifer lunged at Mammon and pinned him to the floor of your room, his hands buried under his little brother's arms, making Mammon cackle hysterically.

"NOT THIHIS! NOHOHOT THIHIHIS!"

"A stupid joke like yours deserves a stupid punishment like this."

Lucifer seemed very focused on wrecking his brother, so you slowly got out of bed and as discreetly as you could, you approached the door.

"Where are you going?" 

"Eek!" An invisible magic wrapped around your waist and dragged you right beside Mammon who was current laughing his head off, snorting hilariously. "Don't you think you're safe."

"I didn't do anything! I told him it wasn't a good id-d-deheheahaha! Luhuhucihihi!" 

Your laughter along Mammon when you felt one of Lucifer's hands latching to your ribcage, the other buried under Mammon's arm.

"You could've stopped him, but decided against it, so now you both will be tickled until you learn your lesson."

Oh, you both were in big trouble!

EXTRA 

"H-Hey…," Mammon said breathlessly, gently tapping your arm as if making sure you were still alive. "I just thought… of a funnier prank call."

"..." You looked at him, your lashes still wet after crying of laughter. "... Okay, fine. Let's do it," you said, giggling already. "What could possibly go wrong, right?"

You both really were in big trouble.

[gogodollie]

tell us the most unnecessary and oddly specific headcanons you have for nihil and seestor

Thank you for the ask teehee <3

I simultaneously think I don’t have many unnecessary/oddly specific hcs but at the same time I also might have too many. But mainly in the sense that hardly anyone likes these two so a lot of it does come off as unnecessary. Okay anyways so:

- Sister has an insane sweet tooth but denies it entirely. Satanic bake sale goods go missing the night before? Don’t ask where Sister was at 1am. On this note, old Imperator says she only drinks black coffee (she thinks it makes her sound mature and sophisticated even at her big age) but she’s got a hidden barista setup in her office like those bar cabinets with a shit ron of syrups and sweeteners and flavored coffee creamers.

- They’re ibs 4 lactose intolerance. You can guess which is which.

- Old Nihil is actually great with kids. Something about him having a brain that functions at their level I guess. The twins that follow him around with his oxygen tank would spend hours forcing him to watch them play roblox and brainrot on his huge fucking ipad but for an 80 year old he took it surprisingly well. He will however pause the video every 30 seconds and ask for an explanation as to what the actual hell is going on.

- Imperator loves corny romance novels and bodice rippers. She is not immune to a Fabio cover. Nihil used to tease her about it so now she just throws a bible sleeve over her books so she doesn’t get called out when reading them in public or around the abbey.

- Imperator has a bump on the bridge of her nose from breaking it when she was younger. She’ll never explain why it’s there because she was beating the shit out of another sister, who actually managed to land a decent punch, and she’s embarrassed about how she let her guard down.

- Nihil is asthmatic. He’s so embarrassed about it and his occasional coughing/wheezing fits but Sister carries around his (very expired) inhaler around in her purse just in case.

- Despite being the more skeptical of the two (when he’s newer to the church at least), Nihil loves spiritualism and the supernatural. He likes gimmicks! Those tarot spreads seen at the Ghost: Reverence and Resurrection pop-up? They were done by him post-breakup because he’s a wet pathetic loser. Imperator will call psychics, tarot readers, and pagans hacks because she only believes in the real Devil that speaks through her but Nihil is still insisting they have their fortunes told when they’re at the fair together.

- Old Imperator gets insanely flattered when a bartender/server still checks her ID. She’s giggling and won’t shut up about it to Nihil for the rest of the night because “Papa did you see. I’ve still got it” while Nihil just mumbles a “Yeah, yeah. Cool” as he is actively falling asleep into his meal.